What Marriage Looks Like

God manifests His presence through the marriage relationship.  The relationship of husband and wife is an expression of Christ and His Church - His bride. So, husbands are charged in Scripture with loving their wives as Christ loved the Church, which elicits a response that mirrors how we as believers respond to our Savior.  Marriage is a gift from God, and He does an amazing work in bringing people together.  Ephesians 5 (ESV) states:
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. ”
32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Perhaps you, like I, have heard or seen statistics that show a souring toward marriage, especially among the young.  But, as I reported to you a few days ago, marriage is on the rebound.  I quoted from a Daily Citizen article by Glenn Stanton of Focus on the Family, who quoted Brad Wilcox of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia.  That article said: "Rather quietly, the post-60s family revolution appears to have ended.” Stanton added, "This is most notably indicated by twin facts. Divorce has been declining for some years, and this has been well-established. More recently, the share of children living with two married parents is up."

There's a new survey of young adults out of the U.K. by the Marriage Foundation that illustrates that there are some healthy signs of building a lasting marriage.  A recent summary on the organization's website stated:

For both men and women, character is the most important quality to look for in a relationship. More than half of young British adults aged 18-35 rate honesty, kindness, friendship, interest and being polite and good mannered as ‘very important’. Looks and practicality were least important. For 86% of women and 74% of men, honesty is the number one green flag.

Those are the positive qualities; how about the "red flags?"  The article went on to say: "In terms of qualities to avoid, more than half of women rated putdowns, whether in public or private, being flirty, and being not naturally good mannered, as ‘showstoppers’. Although these were also the top red flags for men, more women than men picked them as ‘showstoppers’."  It added, "Public put downs were the number one red flag for 87% of women yet only 69% of men."  

Notably, "women rate most red and green flags as more important than men..."  However, men and women tend to look for the same things in relationships – honesty, kindness, friendship, interest, politeness and empathy – and avoid the same things – putdowns in public or private, flirting, and bad manners.

In an article at the Express and Star, Harry Benson of the Marriage Foundation is quoted as saying, "Some of these findings might seem unsurprising, like the desire for a partner to be kind and honest but others, such as the need for a partner to have good manners, identified by over two-thirds of women and more than half of men, were something of a shock."  He added, “Indeed, some surveys have suggested that traditional manners were seen as old-fashioned, even outdated, but as our data clearly shows, if you want to attract a partner, you had better be kind and watch your Ps and Qs.”

This can reinforce the notion that good character is an essential building block of a strong marriage.  And, following the teachings of Scripture can contribute to those good character traits.  Couples are apparently attracted to a person that will show interest in them - I would dare say that is consistent with what the Bible says about putting the needs of others above themselves.  As the survey noted, physical appearance is a factor but does not carry the weight that these intangibles do.

As married couples, we should strive to honor the Lord by honoring our mates, recognizing that not only is marriage a gift, but our spouses are incredible gifts from God.  And, we should demonstrate unselfish love toward them.   Good manners are not outdated concepts, they may have been hidden, to a certain extent, by a selfish and indulgent society.  But, our love for our spouses and how we demonstrate that can show the world that marriage is something that is worth participating in.